October Skies

October has always been a month of sadness for me, don't really know why. Seasons changing maybe? I don't know. I tend to think a lot in October. Remember things. Wish that I could have done better for my kids.
My life has never been what you would call a happy life. Not that there were not moments of happiness and joy, because I have had them. My children have brought joy into my life and now my grandchildren bring me that same joy. Those moments are fleeting. They never can seem to stick around long enough. Sadness and regrets and heartaches overshadow everything else.
When I die I do not want my children to be sad. There has been far too much sadness in my life already. When I die I want them to remember times that we had together where we smiled or laughed or danced or sang. Times that I told them I loved them, times that I hugged them tight.
I don't want them to remember the poverty and the hard times. I want them to remember how we overcame obstacles as a family. I don't want them to remember being hungry and having no groceries. I want them to remember making ghetto pizza. I want them to remember trick or treating in Cherry Hill, the time I dropped the turkey down the steps because I saw a mouse on Thanksgiving, Christmas mornings when you couldn't walk across the floor there were so many of us crowded into that tiny living room.
I want them to remember that in the end, no matter what, family is all you've got.