Holding Down the Fort

My husband went back to work full time about a month or so ago, however this required him to work out of town. He was supposed to be back tomorrow night. He just called to tell me it will be another two weeks before he returns home. I know how badly we need that money. I am just so disappointed. My son's eleventh birthday is tomorrow and we are having a smallish family party for him. The big surprise was going to be hubby, now that is not going to happen. I am being supportive and not letting my husband know how much this news upsets me. I am being responsible, paying the bills, holding the fort down while he is gone so that he doesn't have to worry about me or the boys and can just concentrate on getting his work done. I was looking forward to his arrival and I have to say I feel very let down. It is very lonely when he is gone. I almost feel somewhat disconnected because he has been gone for so long. I am not coping with this very well.

Things Happen

Today my two year old granddaughter fell and got a great big goose egg on her forehead. It was an accident, pure and simple. Her mother rushed her to the emergency room just to make sure everything was ok, no concussion or other hidden injury. It was one of those moments of high drama that I remember happening from time to time when my own kids were little. I raised nine children, and if there is one thing I can tell you for certain sure, things happen. You can take your eyes off a child for three seconds and something can happen that fast. My daughter once unbuckled herself from the high chair and fell out backwards, conked her head, and got a concussion. I remember my husband rushing out the door to take our daughter to the emergency room in a state of panic. It is almost ironic that my daughter's daughter has now repeated history by falling and getting a bump on the head. But the long and the short of the tale is that things happen. It doesn't make you a bad parent, or a negligent parent or anything else. Children are curious, active, and fearless. That combination is all you need for something to happen. Someday this will be one of those "when you were little" stories that we love to embarrass our children with.

Almost Halloween

Wow this month seems to have flown by so fast I hardly know where the time went. On the other hand with my husband working out of town it has been pretty lonely. I really dislike the feeling of having all the home responsibilities with no one to offer support in any way. I feel that I should not burden my husband when he is working so hard so I mostly keep all those little things that go wrong to myself. I am sure you are asking "how is that working for you?" and I will answer truthfully...not so great. When my husband does get to come home I don't want the focus to be on the honey-do list. I want it to be on some quality time for us as a couple and for all of us as a family.
It can be difficult making the transition when your income changes. Yes, hubby is making more money, but we are so far in debt that his net pay is not stretching as far as we would like. Big news! When you make more money, they take more money in taxes! Shocking isn't it? The harder you try to get up on your feet the more someone is standing there to knock you back down. Speaking of which I really need to work out a new food budget. Bad timing with the holidays looming. Stress can find you in the oddest situations. First you worry when you don't have a job. Then you worry because it is a part-time job. Finally you worry because the full-time job doesn't offer benefits like health insurance but you lose your safety net because you are working full-time. It is just dizzying.
In any case, Halloween is one week away, Caleb's eleventh birthday is next Saturday and I still have no idea what I am doing for his party. I am just going to have to sit down and evaluate where it is better to spend the money I have versus going all out for decorations. Obviously, Caleb is the kind of kid who would rather have pizza than lots of cutesy paper plates and streamers. I am the kind of mom who really wants her kid to be happy so I am thinking "pizza it shall be." Cody took Caleb to a Trunk-or-Treat event at the church he attends and there may be some others that Caleb can go to next weekend. That should solve the dilemma of taking him out on Halloween night. Ahh, that bittersweet knowledge: my youngest child is experiencing his last years of real childhood. Where did the time really go?

How Do You Help

I find myself faced with a conundrum. A young woman I know of is being beaten by her boyfriend. She is not someone I am well acquainted with. I know very little about her except for her name. She is white, her boyfriend is black and this has caused her some problems with her family. The couple is essentially homeless except that my son has been letting them stay in his basement. Obviously I feel great compassion for this girl. No one should ever be brutalized in that way. On the other hand, any interference from me would not be welcome. She stays in the relationship in spite of the abuse. I understand staying because you feel have no way out. Lord knows I stayed married for fifteen long hard years for that reason. I just cannot have that kind of behavior going on around my young children. It is not acceptable. When does compassion for another person have to be set aside to protect your own family? This situation makes me feel helpless. I don't know how to help or even if I should try to help.

October Skies

October has always been a month of sadness for me, don't really know why. Seasons changing maybe? I don't know. I tend to think a lot in October. Remember things. Wish that I could have done better for my kids.
My life has never been what you would call a happy life. Not that there were not moments of happiness and joy, because I have had them. My children have brought joy into my life and now my grandchildren bring me that same joy. Those moments are fleeting. They never can seem to stick around long enough. Sadness and regrets and heartaches overshadow everything else.
When I die I do not want my children to be sad. There has been far too much sadness in my life already. When I die I want them to remember times that we had together where we smiled or laughed or danced or sang. Times that I told them I loved them, times that I hugged them tight.
I don't want them to remember the poverty and the hard times. I want them to remember how we overcame obstacles as a family. I don't want them to remember being hungry and having no groceries. I want them to remember making ghetto pizza. I want them to remember trick or treating in Cherry Hill, the time I dropped the turkey down the steps because I saw a mouse on Thanksgiving, Christmas mornings when you couldn't walk across the floor there were so many of us crowded into that tiny living room.
I want them to remember that in the end, no matter what, family is all you've got.