November Rain

It's been a long, strange trip this year. First my mom fell and broke her hip, which really just set in motion the series of events that ended with her death in April from C-diff. My husband left me on Valentine's Day and came back three months later shortly after my mom passed away, and then his own mother died in July. Tough year financially, but slowly we are pulling ourselves up out of the debts that were drowning us. We still have a ways to go but it feels good to know we have come as far as we have. Sometimes the cliches are true even when we think that we know better. People don't really change, at least not fundamentally. They show their true colors when you are down and need a helping hand. That's ok. It is who they are and it just lets me know who I can count on. We must learn to cherish the little moments when everything is good. To let go of the moments when we are lost in the dark. I have posted up a positive and encouraging message on my Facebook page every single day this year. It was sort of my New Year's Resolution to focus on the good instead of dwelling on the bad and it has not been easy. In the end I do feel better about life, perhaps more philosophical, maybe even less cynical and more idealistic. I love my family. Life can be hard but it can also be beautiful. I vote for the beautiful. This is what I want my children to know. Sometimes that long, dark tunnel seems as if it will never end, and you will never find the light again...but you will. Keep on living, never never give up, and most of all love the ones around you as best you can. All we need is love.

Changes

Wow so many things have happened this year. First my mama passed away in April. On the eleventh anniversary of my sister's death. To the day. Then my mother-in-law passed away in July. So hard to lose the people you thought would always be there no matter what. I feel like I have no family left except for my children and grandchildren. I've gotten some news recently concerning my own health, and for the very first time I am taking it seriously. I realize that if I don't take care of me, no one else will. First on the list, hypothyroid disease. I have been given a brand new prescription which I will begin taking tomorrow, my birthday. I have also been given new lab tests, which I will do later this week. I have no desire to get stuck on my birthday. Let's be honest. Is this going to cause me to make major changes in my life that will miraculously heal all my ailments. No, don't think so. However, CAN this cause me to think about those little every day decisions and perhaps choose something a bit more healthy? Maybe. There will be more test results to discuss, possibly more medicines to take. I'm not as young as I once was. Those days of boundless energy are long gone. I want to be around to watch my precious babies grow up, all of them. I want to see the important milestones in their lives...and I want to see those little moments that become beautiful memories. This is what I want my children to know...that I love them enough to try to be there, always.

To everything there is a season...

I took off my ring yesterday. I put it on a chain. I put yours on there too. What else is there to do. I can't bear the thought of never wearing it again. I can't believe you left yours here. It meant nothing to you then. How could you leave me this way. Without a word of goodbye. I had so much to say. Most of all just why? What do I do now? I can't begin to say. Go on with life somehow. Just breathe another day. I want you back so bad. I know you won't miss me. I miss the life we had. I miss you loving me.

How do you do homemade when you are not crafty?

Ok this is the honest truth...I am not crafty. At all. I can't sew or knit or crochet or craft anything at all. I want to do homemade gifts for this holiday season. The question is what in the world can I do that is homemade? I am on the hunt for ideas! There has to be something inexpensive that I can do that would make a nice gift. Something that is not too complicated or time consuming.
If you are reading this send me your ideas. Tell me what you do to make homemade gifts for your friends and family. Remember you are dealing with the most non-crafty person in the world and take it easy on me!

Gearing Up for the Holidays

I am counting the days until my husband comes home from working out of town. Thanks to his efforts we have come a long way towards getting our bills caught up. That means that I can focus on something I love...the holidays! We also have a ton of birthdays in November and my adult twin sons in December. I have little things that I like to do even though I am not a "crafty" sort of woman. I bought these cute little stockings to decorate for the three grandchildren I will get to see. I plan to fill them with candy canes and other goodies as a little extra treat from their granny.
I went to a craft show yesterday and I got an idea for something I would like to try if I can find the supplies at a reasonable cost. Paraffin oil candle lamps! You need an empty glass bottle, wick, and a way to anchor the wick in the bottle. I have already viewed a couple of videos and gotten some great ideas on how to do this. I would like to make one for each of my children who has their own home, so that means my two daughters and my son who lives about an hour or so away. I don't know yet if this idea will come to fruition, depending on my ability to find the supplies locally but it sounds fun!
I have already decided to bake a tray full of goodies for everyone. Cookies, fudge, rock candy, brownies, yummy quick breads. I already found little trays at the dollar store that would work really well for this project. Christmas doesn't have to be about the almighty dollar. The last couple of years were bleak for us as a family, but there is hope that this year will be better and I want to put forth a personal effort, not just run to the store and buy something.
I am collecting ideas and recipes for my goody trays from my online friends. Who knows. I may be starting a brand new tradition!

Holding Down the Fort

My husband went back to work full time about a month or so ago, however this required him to work out of town. He was supposed to be back tomorrow night. He just called to tell me it will be another two weeks before he returns home. I know how badly we need that money. I am just so disappointed. My son's eleventh birthday is tomorrow and we are having a smallish family party for him. The big surprise was going to be hubby, now that is not going to happen. I am being supportive and not letting my husband know how much this news upsets me. I am being responsible, paying the bills, holding the fort down while he is gone so that he doesn't have to worry about me or the boys and can just concentrate on getting his work done. I was looking forward to his arrival and I have to say I feel very let down. It is very lonely when he is gone. I almost feel somewhat disconnected because he has been gone for so long. I am not coping with this very well.

Things Happen

Today my two year old granddaughter fell and got a great big goose egg on her forehead. It was an accident, pure and simple. Her mother rushed her to the emergency room just to make sure everything was ok, no concussion or other hidden injury. It was one of those moments of high drama that I remember happening from time to time when my own kids were little. I raised nine children, and if there is one thing I can tell you for certain sure, things happen. You can take your eyes off a child for three seconds and something can happen that fast. My daughter once unbuckled herself from the high chair and fell out backwards, conked her head, and got a concussion. I remember my husband rushing out the door to take our daughter to the emergency room in a state of panic. It is almost ironic that my daughter's daughter has now repeated history by falling and getting a bump on the head. But the long and the short of the tale is that things happen. It doesn't make you a bad parent, or a negligent parent or anything else. Children are curious, active, and fearless. That combination is all you need for something to happen. Someday this will be one of those "when you were little" stories that we love to embarrass our children with.